Odd October

October 2nd

I have put on a pound or two of late, for which I blame the hours spent sitting and snacking on a bus. The sitting is compulsory of course but the snacking is optional. I’m going to have to join Fat Club.

October 4^th

A loose translation: ‘In the event of an emergency, direct all slim attractive blonde ladies to stand as far away from you as possible.’

October 5^th

A foot found in the lost property box at Flint train station.

October 11^th

I'm sure that the man on the bus station radio just said, 'it's two days past nine.'

Later on October 11^th

After wearing my £5 trainers all day, I now realise why they were £5.

October 14^th

The Scottish lady in the seat behind has the smoothest, most soothing voice; I believe she is made of warm caramel.

October 15^th

They say that, wherever we are in Britain, we are only a few metres away from a rat. I usually find myself less than a metre away from a Gregg's.

October 20^th

As I walk past the shops on my way to the bus stop, I find myself admiring the products in Wilko's and make the realisation that I have an addiction to purchasing cleaning products, but do not have an addiction to using them.

October 24^th

According to my Fat Club coach, I have already lost a centimetre of fat from my waist. However I fear that it may have merely re-located and gathered around my knees.

October 25^th

Forget the worm; I reckon I deserve a much better reward for being on a bus at 6.30am.

In between buses on October 25^th

Not looking so sensational. 

Shortly after on October 25^th

Now aboard my second bus. The light is yet to lift the darkness of night and the rain still drains the faces of passers by. I fear I may be driven into the middle of a Stephen King novel.

Much later on October 25^th

I'm on my fourth and final bus of the day which has just been caught in the middle of a dramatic police chase out of Nottingham City centre. Whilst the bus driver checked if we were all ok, following his excellent (but bum clenching) quick breaking, I notice the man in front, proudly perusing his purchase of a comedy nose, complete with glasses and moustache.

October 28^th

The gentleman sat behind me is a compulsive throat clearer.

October 29^th

I'm on the bus with Hucknall's answer to Plan B. Proper Gangster...very serious but I'm sure a very sweet boy.

October 29^th

The driver is giving out vouchers for half price zigzags. I feel like I've won the lottery. All the other passengers are playing it cool, but inside they are as excited as I am.

October 31st 

Heads spotted at the foot of a tree by a bus stop in Derby. There have been delays to the timetable recently, due to the stormy weather; these gents may be considering registering a complaint.