February Flyer

February 4th 

Just woke up on the train with a dry mouth & glances of disapproval...I may have been snoring a little. 

February 5th 

Today is a non-bus day...I literally have nothing to say 

February 6th

Dear fellow passenger, no matter how hard you look, scrunch and fiddle, the answer to all your problems will not be found at the bottom of a supermarket carrier bag.

February 8th

Lady behind me in the bus queue just sneezed over my shoulder so powerfully, I heard the snot hit the floor. So there's a nice deposit I'll have to pony-step over!

Later on February 8th

I think children are great however on this particular bus journey I am wondering whether there is an aeroplane style child-free section. No! We are not nearly there yet! Just STOP SCREAMING!!!...please.

February 10th

Which awards ceremony will be the most exciting this eve? The BAFTA's or Trent Barton's Bus Driver of the Month? Answers on a postcard.

February 12th

Conversation overheard on the bus: 

Wife - 'Can you see my hole Dennis?' 

Dennis - 'I'm looking love but I can't seem to find it, lift your leg up a bit.' 

Driver - 'Can I be of assistance?' 

*clunk* 

Dennis - 'Found it!' 

Wife - 'Well done Dennis...now where on earth are you gonna shove yours?' 

Safety belt saga!...Classic.

February 13th

Back on the bus with a lady having a rather loud conversation on her phone: 'I can't make the bus go any quicker now can I love...yes, I love you too darling....(T##t).' - Hilarious, made the girls at the back of the bus choke with laughter!

Later on February 13th

Stupid snow!

February 15th

It began with an enthusiastic foot tap followed by a quick clicking of the fingers, now the lady in front of me on the bus has progressed to a full blown vocal rendition of whatever is playing in her ears. Can't quite work out if its Whitney Houston or some kind of Thrash Metal.

February 16th

The Derby Boots store has thought of everything! There's a selection of chocolate on sale right by the panty pad section, so ladies can enjoy a bag of Minstrels whilst they menstruate.

February 21st

There are actual real life American people on my bus, going to Mansfield. Actual people from America visiting Mansfield?

Seconds after that...Afore mentioned people from America have just got off the bus. The youngest child showed her gratitude to the bus driver by giving him a kiss on his cheek. I do agree that he is doing a great job but I won't be following her example.

February 27th

Usual service will soon be resumed. I am back at the bus station.

Minutes later...

How rude!!! A rival bus company has set up stall in the very next bay to mine (I don't actual own it but as you know, I frequent it which is almost the same) selling bus journeys on exactly the same route as mine (again ownership is questionable) How very dare they!!! CityLink...Sh#ttyLink??? This may means war!!!

Seconds Later...

Oh, on closer inspection, afore mentioned new bus service is £3 cheaper if travelling before 9am...NO don't be fooled! They'll suck us all in with their introductory offers then hoick up the prices once the other bus services have gone bankrupt. Stay loyal! Red Arrow we stand by you (well legally we have to sit down and put our seatbelts on) all the way!

February 27th Return Journey

The man behind me on the bus is cheerfully whistling the popularly Olympic associated tune, 'Chariots of Fire' which is making wonder if said man is the actor Nigel Havers. 

February 28th

I've let everyone down. I feel a deep disappointment within myself. I am ashamed of my terrible actions. I have boarded the rival bus - S#ittyLink. My bus broke down so we were ushered on to a shiny new one and I was parting with money before I realised where I was. I had been herded like an unsuspecting goat or sheep but I shall stay strong; I will not let the smell of fresh clean upholstery turn my head!