Finding February

February 4^th

Dare you enter?

February 8^th

At Worksop train station. There is a Dance Academy on Platform One, alongside a tiny cob shop, a printers and a bar.

February 10^th

The usually shite bus services are today spectacularly shite.

February 13^th

Bus conversation approaching Sutton,
'Int it chocolate that helps with yer sugar levels?'
'Yeah, cos it dun't do yer no good if yer don't av none.'

February 14^th

6.30am. 

Bus Driver, apologising for her driving, saying that it affects her steering when she's had a few to drink. I laughed, hoping it was merely a joke and not a confession

Later on Feb 14^th

Offering a tissue to the sneezing lady in the seat behind, wishing I could have pre-empted the spraying to the back of my head. At least I have prevented being party to any future snot showers, for the duration of the journey.

February 21^st

Today the bus is driving itself.

Later on Feb 21^st

It appears that young people have recently chosen to boycott socks.

Very late on Feb 21^st

Tonight, it looks like I'm the only one going all the way. Mansfield to Derby - it's a fair old trek!

February 22^nd

Two chaps who boarded the bus at Ripley, have just spent the last 20 minutes discussing Findus Crispy Pancakes. I wasn't aware of the diverse range of fillings.

February 24^th

Overheard on the bus. 
'He acts like some sort of tortured genius.' 
'Yeah, but minus the genius.'

February 25^th

For the past hour and 20, I have suppressed the urge to gouge out my eyeballs and give them a good old rinse. However, I do not wish to alarm my fellow passengers by causing a gouging related disturbance on the bus.

February 27th

Best (overheard) quotes of the day;

'He looks like a Lowry painting that's been stretched.'

and

'Don't eat your poo sheet!'

Judgemental January

January 4^th

After illicitly sitting in First Class, I have now decided upon my New Year’s Resolution. Break more rules.

Later on January 4^th

'Less is sometimes more'. No. Less is mostly fewer, surely? Proverbs schmoverbs! I shall be eating all the chocolate regardless.

January 7^th

My face has decided its New Year’s Resolution is to grow the biggest spot in the world.

January 10^th

'Ello Miss, would you like a Metro?’ were the actual words spoken to me by a young chap, this morning. I feel like I should be in a remake of Oliver...set in Derby.

January 14^th

Stuck in traffic sat next to a sniffer. He has a tissue but does nothing more than wipe! Has the human race forgotten how to blow?

January 17^th

Birmingham New Street Station, you stink!

January 24^th

Back ont bus after a week working in Mansfield, and true to form, there are some rather ominous smells...hamster is my favourite.

January 25^th

Whilst sneaking a quick wee in the First Class toilets, I was enlightened by the special-ness compared to Standard.

Later on January 25^th

In addition to 'Hey good looking' etched in the mirror, the First Class lavs have a helpful voice over that welcomes you to the loo & requests you do not flush nappies down the toilet along with your ex's jumper, your hopes & dreams or goldfish.

January 26^th

The smell of the day iiiiiiiis *drumroll* freshly baked chocolate cake! Thank you fellow train passenger.

January 27^th

There is a Twat on board the train. Train Twats can be identified by a number of means. They conduct their private conversations at a very loud volume in the hope that fellow passengers will find interest in them = Twat. They insist on leaving their suitcases in the middle of the aisle so that they can 'tutt' when other passengers leap frog over their prized possessions = Twat. They sometimes say things like 'so long as it's tanning weather', whilst booking their next holiday, having only just returned from the airport with enormous amounts of luggage = Train Twat.

January 28^th

It appears that replacing your breakfast with a milk-shake on the 6.30am bus is not a good idea, and on some occasions there is a point to crying over spilt milk. The tears help to wash away the stains.

January 31^st

In keeping with my New Year Resolution-ary promise of train mischief, I have, on two occasions, sat in First Class & used the facilities. I am now three hours into a journey having not bought a ticket. It was part mistake part mischief. The outcome shall either make me do a little wee with joy or cry a small tear of shame.