Judgemental January

January 4^th

After illicitly sitting in First Class, I have now decided upon my New Year’s Resolution. Break more rules.

Later on January 4^th

'Less is sometimes more'. No. Less is mostly fewer, surely? Proverbs schmoverbs! I shall be eating all the chocolate regardless.

January 7^th

My face has decided its New Year’s Resolution is to grow the biggest spot in the world.

January 10^th

'Ello Miss, would you like a Metro?’ were the actual words spoken to me by a young chap, this morning. I feel like I should be in a remake of Oliver...set in Derby.

January 14^th

Stuck in traffic sat next to a sniffer. He has a tissue but does nothing more than wipe! Has the human race forgotten how to blow?

January 17^th

Birmingham New Street Station, you stink!

January 24^th

Back ont bus after a week working in Mansfield, and true to form, there are some rather ominous smells...hamster is my favourite.

January 25^th

Whilst sneaking a quick wee in the First Class toilets, I was enlightened by the special-ness compared to Standard.

Later on January 25^th

In addition to 'Hey good looking' etched in the mirror, the First Class lavs have a helpful voice over that welcomes you to the loo & requests you do not flush nappies down the toilet along with your ex's jumper, your hopes & dreams or goldfish.

January 26^th

The smell of the day iiiiiiiis *drumroll* freshly baked chocolate cake! Thank you fellow train passenger.

January 27^th

There is a Twat on board the train. Train Twats can be identified by a number of means. They conduct their private conversations at a very loud volume in the hope that fellow passengers will find interest in them = Twat. They insist on leaving their suitcases in the middle of the aisle so that they can 'tutt' when other passengers leap frog over their prized possessions = Twat. They sometimes say things like 'so long as it's tanning weather', whilst booking their next holiday, having only just returned from the airport with enormous amounts of luggage = Train Twat.

January 28^th

It appears that replacing your breakfast with a milk-shake on the 6.30am bus is not a good idea, and on some occasions there is a point to crying over spilt milk. The tears help to wash away the stains.

January 31^st

In keeping with my New Year Resolution-ary promise of train mischief, I have, on two occasions, sat in First Class & used the facilities. I am now three hours into a journey having not bought a ticket. It was part mistake part mischief. The outcome shall either make me do a little wee with joy or cry a small tear of shame.