Marching On

March 4^th

Chaos on the trains this morning! A muffled announcement about a landslide between Chesterfield and Sheffield caused a stampede of passengers, to burst out of the automatic doors and clamber up the platform. Only to return, seconds later, following a train managers whistle.

March 9^th

An early Sunday morning outburst on the train just made everyone spit their coffee with laughter. Disgruntled man standing and pleading to the better nature of the owner of a very loud message alert. 'Have some common courtesy to your fellow man'

March 11^th

Lady on the train talking in great detail about how much breast milk she can produce, to a bemused looking man in a suit.

Moments later on March 11^th

Said man in suit has just answered his phone when it didn't even ring and is now conducting a fake conversation.

March 12^th

Someone's farted in the vestibule. There's only seven of us and it's not me, so that narrows it down to six. Bearded man with fold-away bike looks guilty. Smartly dressed woman with incongruous trainers looks amused.

March 13^th

People who speak on hands free devices, whilst waiting at the Pelican Crossing, are often unaware of the sheer volume and pitch of their voice; sharing their business with fellow pedestrians. Being a nosy crow myself, this does not annoy.

March 14^th

Train delayed due to 'over capacity of the bike compartment.' This is a new one.

Return journey on March 14^th

Sat in the shiny shoe section of the train. Some of the people in suits are looking disapprovingly at my unpolished pumps.

March 15^th

The sun is out and I'm on a bus. Let window wars commence.

March 16^th

The upbeat seventies disco tunes, protruding from huge speakers at the bus station, is quite incongruous to the facial expressions of most of this morning's commuters.

Later on March 16^th

There is a child on the bus who is proudly picking his nose, inspecting the snotty deposit between his finger and thumb, before popping it into his mouth. Now, I'm all for recycling however, this re-direction of bodily fluid is somewhat disturbing.

March 17^th

The bus driver who looks remarkably like Noddy Holder has disappointingly shaved all his hair off, to which end, he no longer looks like Noddy Holder. *sad face*

March 18^th

Train Manager announces his sincere apologies for the absence of coach H this morning. Where has he left it? He has his keys and his phone, so where is coach H?

March 20^th

My kind offer to 'hold it for you', was misunderstood by the distressed man who was denied his ablutions, due to the toilet door failing to lock. He looked shocked, giggled and declined. Three other men have since inspected it. In fear of further confusion, I shall NOT be offering to hold the toilet door anymore.

March 21^st

A man just drove by the bus stop, pulling a wheelie on a Moped, as a woman toddled past wearing red stilettos, with a walking stick. Observing oddness.

March 22^nd

As I alighted the bus and thanked the Driver, he wished me good luck...not quite sure what to make of that. He himself seemed a little confused.

March 24^th

The sharp tones from buffet cart announcements appear to be threatening the passengers with 'TEA & COFFEE', as a purchase of punishment, rather than pleasure.

March 26^th

Apparently, if you are on a train to London, and you are wearing a suit, and you are a man, you never have to say, 'excuse me'.

Return journey on March 26^th

The rude man from this morning's train is now standing, seat-less, with his pin stripes delicately tucked into the front flap of his Hushpuppies.

March 27^th

I hate being breathed on by strangers. Not sure what it is about queues for delayed public transport; people seem to feel it's acceptable to huff and puff their disdain and disgust at each other.

Later on March 27^th

This train now has its own orchestra of coughs.

March 31^st

Train Manager checking we're all awake this morning - 'Welcome to the 8.19 East Midlands Train from Narnia, calling at Leicester and London St Pancras only.'

Later on March 31^st

Afore mentioned Train Manager is now using his tannoy announcements to try out his best accents.