Nevermind November

November 8^th

After five days of a throat infection, I'm going menthol.

November 10^th

A projectile sneeze just launched a half sucked lozenge in to full flight across the length of the bus. I may need to be wrapped in police 'crime scene' tape and sent to bed.

November 13^th

According to the train announcement, the next station will be 'Blaaam Blaaaa'.

November 15^th

Last time I was on this train I got stuck in the toilet for over an hour. This time round, my legs are firmly crossed.

Later on November 15^th

There's a lady on the train with a big red bag full of wrapped up Christmas presents. Slightly portly but no beard.

Even later on November 15^th

Almost elbowed a man in the face whilst attempting to open a stubborn packet of Golden Wonders' Ready Salted.

Later still on November 15^th

Third and final train of the day. Sat on a flip down chair in the vestibule with a young woman who is angrily listening to Techno music.

November 18th 

Up all night with a sickness bug! No sp#wing or sh$tting on the bus!

November 21^st

I am on a bus that I used to frequent about two years ago. It is surprising to see all the same faces, still managing to avoid acknowledgment of each others existence, even though they spend 90 minutes of every morning, sitting intimately close to one another.

Later on November 21^st

The chap sat behind me keeps saying 'Oooo you bugger', each time the bus goes over a speed hump.

Even later on November 21^st

Just spent my return journey sat next to the most brilliantly bonkers woman (in her own admission). Covering topics from trouser lengths and memory loss, to wet wipes and sniffer dogs. The age old debate of powder verses liquid in yer washing machine, and of course, the ubiquitous bad smell on a bus arrose (literally and conversationally). She alighted the bus, chastising the driver for going too slow and said it was nice talking to me. Which is exactly what she did, talk TO me. Brilliant!

November 22^nd

Delays, Diversions and Cancellations are the headline acts performing at Derby train station today. Grrrrr.

November 24^th

Following the best ever, fun-filled, fabulously cram-packed weekend; this train journey is comparatively dull. The electric door which is indecently opening and closing, for its own entertainment, also agrees.

November 25^th

'I have an arse hole that looks better than your face,' was the delightful welcome from one bus driver to another this morning.

November 28^th

Tips for bus passengers: If you do not wish for a stranger to sit so intimately close that there's danger of being sucked up into their colon, via their sweaty arse cheeks. Just cough or sneeze or blow yer nose and you can enjoy that seat which you chose, all to yourself.

November 30th 

Unusual night sky over Derby this eve.