October 2nd
I have put on a pound or two of late, for which I blame
the hours spent sitting and snacking on a bus. The sitting is compulsory of course but the
snacking is optional. I’m going to have to join Fat Club.
October 4th
A loose translation: ‘In the event of an emergency,
direct all slim attractive blonde ladies to stand as far away from you as
possible.’
October 5th
A foot found in the lost property box at Flint train
station.
October 11th
I'm sure that the man on the bus station radio just said,
'it's two days past nine.'
Later on October 11th
After wearing my £5 trainers all day, I
now realise why they were £5.
October 14th
The Scottish lady in the seat behind has
the smoothest, most soothing voice; I believe she is made of warm caramel.
October 15th
They say that, wherever we are in
Britain, we are only a few metres away from a rat. I usually find myself less
than a metre away from a Gregg's.
October 20th
As I walk past the shops on my way to the bus stop, I find myself admiring the products in Wilko's and make the realisation that I have an addiction to purchasing
cleaning products, but do not have an addiction to using them.
October 24th
According to my Fat Club coach, I have already lost a centimetre of fat from my waist. However I fear that it may have merely
re-located and gathered around my knees.
October 25th
Forget the worm; I reckon I deserve a
much better reward for being on a bus at 6.30am.
In between buses on October 25th
Not looking so sensational.
Shortly after on October 25th
Now aboard my second bus. The light is
yet to lift the darkness of night and the rain still drains the faces of
passers by. I fear I may be driven into the middle of a Stephen King novel.
Much later on October 25th
I'm on my fourth and final bus of the
day which has just been caught in the middle of a dramatic police chase out of
Nottingham City centre. Whilst the bus driver checked if we were all ok,
following his excellent (but bum clenching) quick breaking, I notice the man in
front, proudly perusing his purchase of a comedy nose, complete with glasses
and moustache.
October 28th
The gentleman sat behind me is a
compulsive throat clearer.
October 29th
I'm on the bus with Hucknall's answer to
Plan B. Proper Gangster...very serious but I'm sure a very sweet boy.
October 29th
The driver is giving out vouchers for
half price zigzags. I feel like I've won the lottery. All the other passengers
are playing it cool, but inside they are as excited as I am.
October 31st
Heads spotted at the foot of a tree by a bus stop in Derby. There have
been delays to the timetable recently, due to the stormy weather; these gents
may be considering registering a complaint.
