Seat Swapping September

September 1^st

Just seen a man at the train station, buying a croissant with a £50 note; money obviously isn't too tight to mention.

Septemenber 7^th

Having a hover wee on a fast moving train is often a risky adventure.

September 9^th

Today I have travelled on four separate buses, crossed three different counties, walked through two town centres and passed one train station, visited one theatre and one school and met six new people. I have done all of this with toothpaste on my face. Tomorrow I shall be mostly wearing mayonnaise.

September 10^th

Today I am road testing trainer socks and have already spent most of my morning retrieving said socks from underneath my feet. Sole destroying.

September 12^th

If you stand at the bus stop in Chellaston you are, according to the locals, 'a dirty slapper'. I received this information from a 12 year old boy, through the window of a moving car.

September 17^th

Seat Swapping: The inexplicable phenomenon where passengers, despite several swappages, find difficulty in deciding which seat of the bus is best.

September 19th

Today, whilst on my travels, I came across the most impressively trimmed bush.

September 20^th

The ladies on the bus may have misheard the announcement, 'please bare with us, we have nude driver on board.'

Later on September 20^th

The new driver appears to have adopted the 'close your eyes and hope you'll squeeze through' approach, whilst driving in the city centre.

Return journey on September 20^th

The old driver has now decided to use 'LOUD SHOUTING' as a method of teaching the new driver.

Septemebr 23^rd

Interesting attempt at comedy:
Me 'May I have a Zigzag please?'
Driver 'That'll be £5 or £10 to you, I've got to earn me wages somehow.'
Oh dear.

September 24th

Overheard bus conversation: 
Woman 'People have to accept that we live in a multi-cultural society.' 
Man 'Yes, my uncle is Russian, my next door neighbour's from Brazil and my wife's half human.'

September 26^th

The elderly gentleman who asked the female driver, 'Where would you like me to put it?'; was actually referring to his bus pass.

Later on September 26^th

I'm hoping that the fast approaching trickle of yellow liquid, from a passenger behind, is simply a spillage from a soft drink of some description.

September 27^th

For the second time this month, Derby smells of chocolate moose.

September 28^th

The chap behind me on the bus is explaining to an American girl, the reasons why he can't get a job in Britain. He's blaming 'Tories and blind people'.