Friday 28 February 2014

Judgemental January

January 4th
After illicitly sitting in First Class, I have now decided upon my New Year’s Resolution. Break more rules.

Later on January 4th
'Less is sometimes more'. No. Less is mostly fewer, surely? Proverbs schmoverbs! I shall be eating all the chocolate regardless.




















January 7th
My face has decided its New Year’s Resolution is to grow the biggest spot in the world.

January 10th
'Ello Miss, would you like a Metro?’ were the actual words spoken to me by a young chap, this morning. I feel like I should be in a remake of Oliver...set in Derby.

January 14th
Stuck in traffic sat next to a sniffer. He has a tissue but does nothing more than wipe! Has the human race forgotten how to blow?

January 17th
Birmingham New Street Station, you stink!

January 24th
Back ont bus after a week working in Mansfield, and true to form, there are some rather ominous smells...hamster is my favourite.

January 25th
Whilst sneaking a quick wee in the First Class toilets, I was enlightened by the special-ness compared to Standard.




















Later on January 25th
In addition to 'Hey good looking' etched in the mirror, the First Class lavs have a helpful voice over that welcomes you to the loo & requests you do not flush nappies down the toilet along with your ex's jumper, your hopes & dreams or goldfish.

January 26th
The smell of the day iiiiiiiis *drumroll* freshly baked chocolate cake! Thank you fellow train passenger.

January 27th
There is a Twat on board the train. Train Twats can be identified by a number of means. They conduct their private conversations at a very loud volume in the hope that fellow passengers will find interest in them = Twat. They insist on leaving their suitcases in the middle of the aisle so that they can 'tutt' when other passengers leap frog over their prized possessions = Twat. They sometimes say things like 'so long as it's tanning weather', whilst booking their next holiday, having only just returned from the airport with enormous amounts of luggage = Train Twat.

January 28th
It appears that replacing your breakfast with a milk-shake on the 6.30am bus is not a good idea, and on some occasions there is a point to crying over spilt milk. The tears help to wash away the stains.

January 31st
In keeping with my New Year Resolution-ary promise of train mischief, I have, on two occasions, sat in First Class & used the facilities. I am now three hours into a journey having not bought a ticket. It was part mistake part mischief. The outcome shall either make me do a little wee with joy or cry a small tear of shame.


No comments:

Post a Comment