January Jayne

January 5th

Hoola Hoops & Bloody Mary's. The only way to travel by train.

January 7th 

Sipping pink gin whilst pulling in to Birmingham New Street station. Almost tempted to extend my little finger of the hand which is pouring the can into my greedy face. How decadent.

January 8th

'Rachel has a huge Pelican beak' - Graffiti at Derby Bus Station by an unnamed artist.

January 9th

The gentleman behind me on the bus is singing 'New York, New York'.

January 10th

Back ont bus. No musical outbursts as yet, just an old man shouting, 'Is that the best you can do?' to passing white vans.

January 14th

So I guess it snowed a bit in Notts then! My bus seems to have taken a diversion through the French Alps!

January 17th

The bus is abnormally quiet this morning as it creeps along in the snow. People must be fearful of their faces chapping in this wintry weather.

Return journey...

Lady on the bus appears to be cancelling all her future life plans due to the snow!

January 18th

Just passed a man wearing shorts! I may have to alert the emergency services.

January 23rd

Just been chastised by the grumpy bus driver for 'hanging around at this time' (7pm) 'dressed like that' (jeans, jumper & parka) It's not my fault if his big headlights struggled to spot a waiting ginger! Must purchase some reflective strips to strap on to my bingo wings for next time.

January 24th

The driver has been guiding the bus one handed for the past few miles in order to retrieve a stubborn boiled sweet from the bottom of his pocket. Then proceeded to self congratulate on how cautiously he drove by some big lorries.

January 25th

Triple dip recession? I hope they don't discover that Britain's core is actually made of rich tea biscuits!

January 28th 

Some heavy breathing occurring right behind me on the bus.

Seconds later (after a sneaky peek)

It's a woman and the heavy breathing is now proceeding to a cough and splutter. I may need to remember my First Aid training from twelve years ago.

Minutes Later...

Woman behind me on the bus whose been coughing & spluttering is now eating an apple... I fear I may be Strudeld.

Later still...

Afore mentioned woman is now listening to the Shoop Shoop song via her headphones. She's an apple munching Cher fan! 

January 29th 

Back on the bus. Gentleman sat next to me smells of beige sugar paper.

January 31st

Sat on the flip down single seat in the vestibule of the train and it appears I have been appointed the role of Toilet Monitor. A third person has now asked me if it is working and whether its clean.

Of course I am happy to offer advice in this area.